The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune...

I had something interesting happen this Saturday, my knee blew out. Very painful, can’t support my weight, basically crippling me. This happened while I was on my two-week liquid diet. To say the least I wasn’t happy.

I’ve always had bad knees; one of the reasons I came to Dr. Buchin was hoping to avoid just this sort of thing. I knew losing some weight would take pressure off my knees. So what happened? Less than two weeks before the surgery my knee goes out, as if to say, “Thought you would cheat me, will you?”

Anyhow, for days on end I didn’t know what was going on? Would my surgery be called off? Would I need knee surgery? Was all this really worth it?

Yes, I had my moment, my low point where I questioned everything. I was hungry, exhausted, I’d been hobbling around all day on a walker running to three different doctors, dealing with both my knee and my weight. I got to the point when I said to myself “I don’t care anymore, I don’t care if I stay too heavy, I just can’t take any more. It’s too much; it’s all just too freaking much. How much can a single person take?” Starving and crippled, I cracked. I cried.

I wanted Pizza so bad. Pizza always makes me feel better. A burger too, maybe a chicken parm hero, yeah that would help.

But actually, it wouldn’t. That was my problem. You can’t solve your problem by making it worse. I tell my children that, “A person is judged by the challenges they face”. I tell them, “Never give up and never hand anyone a victory over you. Make them earn it, make the bastards take you down.”

I wasn’t going to give up. Not today anyway.

Earlier today I found out I wouldn’t need knee surgery, at least not yet. Badly bruised, maybe a lose bone chip, but it can wait three weeks to see how much it mends. Dr. Buchin said I was still a go, so long as I stopped taking the Motrin. I had three more appointments today, two of which I did alone, in a knee brace walking with a walker.

Screw you fate. I you want a victory over me then you’re going to have to earn it. I’m not handing you a victory, take me down if you can.

My surgery is five days from now, I just finished my last medical appointment before I check into the hospital. I’ve lost about 11 pounds since I started the liquid diet. I took my official pre-op photo for the website.

Fate and I are going for round two. I wonder what the Vegas odds are?