I don't know .....
I don't know what to say tonight.
I don't know where to start.....
I'm coming up to one year....
I've thought back to where I was last year this time (somewhat reminded by reading other posts here)
I've gone thru, in my mind, where I was and where I am now...and looking ahead where I will be in the future..
If I ramble a little sorry ... I'm kinda cracking open my head and dumping on the keyboard tonight...
Anyway.... all I can say is I don't know......
I have been a good boy
I have done what I'm supposed to do.... mostly.
I have had an incredible journey to this point.... and looking ahead I see still more incredible things....
I have accomplished over 90% of my weight loss goal so far.....
I have taken in what everyone has gone thru....
I have examined my own actions and thoughts and feelings and all those other things that make up ... us.
What can I say?
What can I expect?
Where will this journey lead me?
I don’t know…..
I am getting to the point in my journey where I must realign my objectives….
Re assess my goals…
I’m moving in to a maintenance strategy …. Or soon will be.
I am filled with an uneasy feeling that some of you may be familiar with.
Kind of like when a person is nearing retirement, I guess.
It reminds me of the line from Apocalypse Now where Robert Deville is talking to Martin Sheen just after the famous Napalm line…. You know … “I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.” And so on…. Anyway there is he crouched down talking to Martin Sheen and delivers a much more important and meaningful line (at least in my mind it is), when he looks down remorsefully and says wistfully “someday this wars gonna end.”….
Once we get to the destination then what.
Like the man said …. Someday this wars gonna end!!!!!
Will you be sad or glad??
Are we destined to struggle for the rest of our days…. And once that struggle is taken away… once we have accomplished our goals … then what …
I don’t know!!!!
Who does???
Is it one of those mystical questions that I should shout up at the heavens with my fists balled up …… TELL ME NOW!!!!!!! WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYY?
??
Nope…..
Nothing…..
Silence…..
No answer is forth coming.
I don’t want to wait for an answer either.
I do know that I’m a goal-oriented person.
I would hazard to say that most people are (not to get gender biased here but almost all men are. I don’t know any who aren’t.)
And without a goal I tend to drift off course…..
Like a rudderless ship…. The cruse to nowhere…..
So with that in mind I have decided to tackle some other challenges in my life…
You know because things like paying the bills and keeping a roof over my head is just not challenging enough these days….
I just can’t seem to focus yet on them…
I don’t know…..yet.
Hope I didn’t disappoint anyone.
I know it sounded like a real revelation was coming here but then the subject line would have been “I know!”
But as it is … I don’t know…
I have found a passion in my life..
I have fallen in love (again kind of) with woodworking.
When I’m in my “zone” it’s like time just flies by.
I have gone 5 or 6 hours on a Saturday or Sunday morning with my new love…
My new passion… you know when you’re so into something every hour feels like a min.
I get lost in it…. It’s very exciting!!!
And I’m making things…. And I’m getting pretty good at it too…
Double bonus points for that!!!!
It’s like nothing else matters or enters my mind while I’m there working on a project or using a new tool, or an old one, to shape and create.
I still can’t wait for warmer weather to get back on my bike, but this keeps me busy while I’m inside….
Well that’s all for now.
Hope everyone is doing well…
Hope you all find your own personal nirvana and passions in life.
It sure sounds like some of have (wink wink).
If anyone ever figures out “the” answer…you know … to that nagging question of
“what now?” Please please please … don’t hesitate to call and share with me, and probably some others would be interested as well.
As for now I remain ignorant.
Well at least I’m smart enough to know I’m ignorant!
I will keep searching as well, and the search may be the answer in itself… who knows???
I don’t!!!!!!!!
I look forward to seeing everyone next month at a meeting or two….
Tony
