Insights at Applebees

Last night I went to the gym after work. I wanted to push myself; I wanted to feel sore and tired after. The pain helps me focus, the exhaustion helps me relax. My weight isn’t falling as I’d like, but my pants are fitting better. I feel stronger but more importantly my stress level has been easier to manage. I’m also done with editing and writing again, so I’ve taken away one stressful thing and restored an important outlet to my life. I finally feel like I am pulling out of my nose dive.

Anyway, after the gym I picked up my wife and took her to dinner. I was hungry and she needed some time to decompress after work. I figured a nice meal, without the kids, would help. So I ordered something off the Right Portions/Healthy menu and shared a spinach dip with her. I didn’t drink, taking only a few tiny sips of water now and again. But I felt full, and satisfied, and cleaned my plate. I felt gluttonous and guilty.

Then I looked over at the next table, to see a dad, with his two kids and wife. He was heavy, quite heavy. He had a thick neck and a gut (like I once did). He was enjoying a cheese burger of some sort, and they were sharing a sampler platter of appetizers. His wife was heavy too. It sort of shifted my perspective.

Yes, I probably ate more than I needed to, but what I ordered was less than 600 calories. Yes, I had some appetizer, but it was spinach dip. I spent more than an hour at the gym that night, my 2nd time this week too. I was so bathed in sweat by the time I picked up my wife I had to change back into my work clothing, because my work out attire stank. You can’t have a nice romantic dinner if you smell. I plan to go back to the gym Saturday too.

Am I perfect? No.
Can I do better? Sure.
But am I okay? Maybe? I think so anyway.

The thing is, going to dinner, ordering something I enjoyed, finishing it. I felt like a regular person. It never occurred to me I selected something from the smaller portions/diet menu. It never occurred to me that I’d hit the gym earlier. It never occurred to me I controlled my drinking so my lap band would help me feel fuller sooner. I did those things naturally. I don’t think much about it anymore, it’s just the way I move through my day, it’s just the way I live my life.

And then it slowly hit me... I’d changed my lifestyle.

Wow.