It's amazing!
How such little things that we never used to be concerned with in our old lives (pre-op) can not cause us deep contemplation in our new lives (post-op). These things things aren't really "post operative problems" per se, but the more we think about them the more they seem like large walls that we have to get over. They become obsticales in our journey to .... to what .... happines?
Here's some things that occupy my time and energy that aren't really "post operative problems," but I guess like most people I need a little drama in my life.
1. Loose/tight cloths. I knew that was going to happen and I'm prepaired for it. I have several sizes arranged from my travel up the scale so that I'm covered for a while in my travel down the scale. So this weekend I started trying on some of the cloths I plan to be wearing soon and well some fit and some did not. Right away I start think ... "why didn't that shirt fit yet? This one does but that one doesn't!" And "Hey this pair of paints of a certain size fits but that one doesn't, why is that?"
2. I was always a little lactose intolerant pre-op, but more so post-op and as I found out last night when I tried a home made cream soup ..... I am VERY lactose intolerant! Oh my god ... what will I do? This is terrible! No more milk, or cream. Well at least until everything heals up well (caused a lot of bloating and general soreness due to gas), and as long as I plan to be around polite company.
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3. And this is a biggie! Worrying about what is to come. I think I worry/dwell on things to come more than I need to. I'm worried about my hair falling out. So many people have said it will happen. I'm worried about excess skin. I'm worried about adding things to the list of what I can eat. I think about dumping syndrome all the time and watch the sugar content on everything. I don't want to find out if I have it. I worry about the adhesive coming off my incisions. One has come off already.... is it too soon!!!!
4. And lastly, this is something I didn't think I would have to worry about but I'm evidently making a bugaboo in my head. Am I loosing weight too fast? That's right you heard it. From the guy who said "I better loose weight fast after all I'm not going thru all this to loose 10lbs a month!" When you stop to think for a second, " wow 10 lbs a month ... that's 120lbs a year... holy crap that's a lot!" But is it fat or am I loosing all my muscle. I got to do something about that and soon!
Sometimes I loose grip on the fact that it took a long time to get here and it will take a while to get where I want to be. Unfortunately I'm just a normal human with all the frailties. A product of the 20th century and I want instant gratification.
What is really boils down to is that even though I'm a man I am saddled with all the vanities and doubt of a normal run of the mill human. I started this journey to get healthy. Knowing that living at such a large size was a slow way of killing myself. My quality of life suffered tremendously. I couldn't walk up stairs without having to catch my breath at the top. I couldn't fit into chairs, almost anywhere! I couldn't play with my niece and nephew, the two most favorite people in the world to me. I taking medication to control my blood pressure and heading towards diabetes. The age my mom died at was 3 years younger than I am now. And my knees and lower legs were in horrible shape.
But I still want to look good too. There's not one person here I believe, or that I know who has had gastric surgery that hasn't thought about looking better. It's normal to think like that. We all want to be healthy but we all want to look good too. How many people would say yes to living healthier if the end result was you had to look like Herman Munster? "Hey we have this revolutionary new procedure, it will get you off your meds and make you live longer and with a better quality of life .... BUT people will run from the sight of you." They will chase you out of town with pitch forks and torches.
Hmmmmm
I think I'll pass.
I guess I'm like most, but I try to keep my eye on the ball. I think that sets up a funny kind of split personality. My inner dialog goes like this sometimes.
"Hey looking good"
"Hey feeling good"
"But what about loosing hair, that won't look good,"
"Who cares we are able to walk around now, fit into my desk chair now."
"But you look flabby with all that loose skin."
"But I'm off my meds!"
"But your cloths don't fit right."
"But they will.... eventually!"
"But what about today!?!?!?!"
"Slow down partner, in good time."
"What do you mean slow down? When will I look good?!?!?"
"Take it easy, it will come, and I'm not sure how good you will look anyway. I can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Gotta start with something good to finish with something good." :
"What the hell does that mean! I'll mess you up! I want to look good too!"
"Well you'll just have to be patient and put in lots of work. So get your nose to the grindstone and have at it."
"Work!?!?!?! What are you kidding?
I have already gone thru surgery!"
"That's just the beginning dummy. You know that. You were told, and you know that!"
"Oh yeah ....
I forgot. My bad, sorry. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Why? So we can have the same conversation again?
Just remember it so I don't have to remind you anymore!"
I guess the biggest post-op problem is all the craziness that goes with having this surgery. Yes I am almost crazy now. Not sure I wasn't before,
but defiantly I am now. I now have a goal as to what I would like to look like. I guess I've always had an image in my head. I don't suffer from body dysmorphia, at least I don't think I do. But now I have the tool to attain (possibly) that image, and now the image is shifting. I hadn't much thought about getting down to a point where I could actually have a body that would look good with my shirt off, and I may never have it. But now I can see that as a possibility.
Well we'll see. There's a lot of work ahead and I've only just begun my this new part of my journey. Who knows what around the next bend for me? Who know where this road will lead? It's exciting and confusing all at once.
See you all down the road.
Tony
