The Waiting Game

[Veee1226]

One of the problems with having to wait for 6 months to fulfill the requirements that are needed by my health plan for the surgery, is that I have a lot of time on my hands to wait and question whether or not this is the right path for me.  My surgery is almost a month away.  I have gone through all the testing and there are a few things left I need to do before the surgery.  Everybody is behind me.  My parents, my friends, my boss, my co-workers…everyone is behind this but me.

I feel like I am in quicksand right now and I don’t know why.

I follow my heart in life.  Yes, it has gotten me into a lot of trouble at times, but it is the only way I know how to live my life honestly.  I had a consultation with a divorce lawyer a few days ago.  The shock to my system after that meeting was troublesome to me.  It told me that my heart is not ready to let go of my marriage.  I am not ready to face the idea of being divorced.  This morning, one of my coworkers told me how excited she is for me.  I wish I felt that.  I have so much fear and trepidation.  The emotional upheaval of my personal life, too much stress and responsibility at work, financial worries, personal issues I have with my sister and a recent squabble with one of my best friends has left me feeling that, once again, I am not emotionally ready to take this step.  There is so much uncertainty; so much fear that I can’t handle any more changes in my life at the moment.  If my heart is not in it, is this the right thing for me to do?

I feel like such a “Debbie Downer” when I post here.  I don’t feel like I am contributing anything positive or inspirational to these boards the way others do.  All my emotions are boiling over for me and there are very few people whom I can turn to in these situations.  I am feeling very alone today and I am hoping that by putting these feelings out here, I can somehow purge them from my soul.

I know that everyone writes about being excited about their upcoming surgery.  I can’t believe I am the only one who has felt this way before the surgery.  If anyone could give me some guidance on this, I would appreciate it.[/b]

[icarus96]

Vee.... sharing is the most personal thing you can do,  at least that's how I feel.  We all have our challenges to face.  I also am very trepidatious about getting surgery.  Even though my personal issues are not at the same level as yours and I am so sorry you are going thru this at this time.  It seems like it becomes a tug of war between what needs to be done, which aspect of my life do I concentrate on today, and which aspect of my life can I put on hold for a while.

I am also having so many problems in my personal life, they revolve around financial issues and may cause a delay in getting my surgery.  I am at a place where I am considering bankruptcy.  It is humiliating and is causing all kinds of stress between me and my better half.  I haven't even mentioned it to her yet.  It's amazing how things come to a head all at once in life.  If I didn't have to wait all these months it would be done and I could concentrate on my money and work problems.  As it is my money and work problems have been getting bigger and bigger the last few months.  Now I don't know if I will have the money to get the last few items checked off my list.

Hey I know I'm rambling around alot but the bottom line is I hope you can work all your issues out and hope that I can work mine out as well.  It will probably be easier to deal with all the stress if I were more healthy and able to deal with it.

[SusieQ1264]

Hey Vee & Icarus - I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles!       I hope they do get resolved in a positive way....

To Vee - I know divorce can be HELL!  My husband left me in the summer of 2000, but we did not get divorced till June of 2002. (Long story!)  I spent those two years depressed as hell and I have been gaining weight from the summer of 2000 till now.  I'm hopeful going to be able to have my Gastric Sleeve in the next two months.
 
How about looking at it as you being the caterpillar - the divorce and WL surgery as the birth of a NEW beautiful butterfly!   
The new, healthier, stronger YOU!  The YOU who may have been hiding under all the weight.....
Just a thought!  I hope it helps!   

Icarus - one would hope that your health insurance would be covering the bulk of the cost of WLS!?  Yes?  No?  Well, I hope it works out for the best!   

As Icarus stated, the boards are here for us to support one another! 
There are NO bad (silly, weird, stupid, etc) questions or concerns!   

Good luck to us all!  Take care!   

[connie]

Your going to be fine. i found when i was getting ready, i had to really just put myself first and not get involved with everyone else's drama. when i walked into that or i was ready to walk right back out, but i knew this was the beginning of something great. I was scared but the good stuff totally out weighed the back stuff.  take care of yourself, see you at the meeting.