Thanksgiven done.... Next

[icarus96]

Well I hope everyone had a happy and healthy holiday last week.  I didn't have too much of a problem with food this year, never got to that way too full feeling, which is good.  But did have to deal with family which was not as good.  I know they care about me and think that they have my best intrests in mind.  I was certain that I had full support in my decision about the surgery, but when they all got together that changed.  I was kind of caught off guard by what almost seemed like a united front against my decision. 

It happened when desert was being served.  I hadn't consumed my usual 2 large holiday servings of everything on the table and turned down double desert when my sister in law made a comment, something to the effect of how turning down the second desert is all I need to do to loose weight.  It went around the table from there.  I looked to my better half for support but all she said was "my sister is just worried about you (we where at her families house).  I kind of felt out there all alone and when I started to reason with everyone I got a response of "hey don't get upset, we care about you."  Once everyone who had something to say said it I just asked to support my decision, even if you don't agree with it.  It was a little uncomfortable for a few minutes there.  You know everyone has something to add.... "oh Tony all you need to do is this," or " why don't you just try Weight Watchers for a while ...it really works."  Or "how did you loose all the weight last time, why don't you try that again?"  Or "whatever your eating just cut it in half."  I'm probably not even quoting correctly, it just became noise.  And they were kind of insulted when I responded.  I tried to reason with them, trying to explain where I am right now, but to no avail.  I really had to back it off a notch, act like I wasn't insulted, because I was a step away from getting up and walking out. 

And it's not like anyone in her family or my family is missing any meals.  I know I'm the biggest person at the table but no one is skinny there, or at my families houses.  It's kind of like taking investment advise from someone who's bankrupt.

Doesn't it kind of bother you that being overweight, other people just think that they can strike up a conversation with you about the topic.  Especially family.  Well thankfully I have a month off before the next holiday....

Well hope to see everone at the next group meeting.

[Bookworm]

I know Tony, this is the hardest part. I think when other people who are overweight see you taking control of your life and making correct or better life choices it makes them unconfortable. When you lose your weight, it makes them reflect on the fact that they also have a problem. But you can't live your life for everyone else. It's good that you stood up for yourself.
I saw my sister this weekend after about 8 weeks (read 30 pounds) and the first thing she said was I needed more fat in my diet! I explained that I just had my 3 month check up and everything was fine, my nutrition was great and all was good. But again, I'm almost the same weight as she is and I think she's threatened. I'm so grateful that I am in a good place where I am confortable with my decision. She asked if I regretted having the surgery and I was so glad to be able to say it was the best thing I ever did. I know you will be in that place soon.
Remember, we are always here to support you.

Diane

[Osk]

Man I feel for you, and I understand.  I’ve been there myself.  When I started down this path I told very few people.  Nobody’s opinion mattered but mine, my wife and my kids.  Everyone else had nothing to do with this.   When I told my wife and kids that was the discussion phase, after that it was finished.  I hate that people feel they can just toss in their two cents under the guise of “we care about you”.  Just because you care about someone doesn’t give you the right to undermine their efforts, offer opinions about things you don’t understand and deliver careless insults when what is really needed is understanding and support. 

 I love how people don’t realize how insulting this is? “Oh, you should try to eat less.”  “Try weight watchers.” ”Get some exercise.”  Oh, gee thanks!  I NEVER thought of any of these things before!  I must be ten flavors of total idiot not to have thought of these things when I was considering getting surgery.  Yeah, eat less, wow; it never occurred to me…     

Plenty of careful consideration goes into this decision.  We are screened, warned, tested.  It’s not an easy process.  Nobody just does this on a spur of the moment thing.  Trust me, some of these same people who claim to “care about you” while the stomp on your spirit and resolve will be some of the first to tell you how good you look.  One or two of them may also consider the surgery themselves after you get it. 

Stay strong and on mission man.  Don’t let the bastards drag you down!

[icarus96]

Hey thanks all.  Everytime I post and someone responds ... well it's good to know that it's not unusual.  I have been told that undermining would happen, and in the guise of "caring about me."  It's just I kind of felt ganged up with everyone lining up to add his/her opinion.  And like you said Oscar do they think that never occurred to me.  I know these people since I'm 20.  They have seen me gain and loose 100 pounds 3 times and fail at numerous other diets in the last 24 years.  They just are not getting in my shoes, and whats worse they seem insulted when I point that out to them.  The positive thing is that it strengthens my resolve to continue.  I'm a little pig headed that way.  The more they poo-poo my plan the more I'm determined to prove them wrong.

Well looking forward to Christmas where I get to do it all over again ... and with a few added people.  But hopefully that will be the last I hear of it from them pre-op.  Think I knock back a few to take the edge off.