I am struggling

[Veee1226]

As some of you may know, I am having a very difficult time lately.  As if dealing with the fear and stress of preparing for my surgery, changing all of my eating habits, fighting off my eating urges, and working six days a week were not enough, I am now facing the reality that my marriage is falling apart.

My husband and I have been having trouble for quite some time now.  And it doesn't even have anything to do with the surgery.  Our relationship is very complicated for reasons unknown to most of the group and I will spare you all the details.  The truth is that I am miserable, even though I love him, and this situation has become increasingly unhealthy for me.  As mush as I want my marriage to be a success, I can't help and wonder at what personal price?   This journey, although difficult at times, should be, overall, an exciting one.  The idea of starting what is basically a new life for myself; one built on a healthy mental and physical existence, should be something I face with great anticipation of good things to come.  However, because of my marriage situation, the lack of support and understanding I get from him, and all the changes I have made over the past four months, I am drained, anxious, insecure and now more depressed than I have been in many, many years. 

I have said to myself, and I have said in our group meetings, that I will not let anyone break my spirit.  However, I feel so emotionally bruised and battered at this point, I feel nothing but broken.  I have no support at home to help me through the changes that are happening in my life and will continue to happen after the surgery.  I can't talk to my family and friends about my marriage problems because they tend to become judgmental of my decision to have married this man.  I have been relying on my biweekly therapy appointments and on Oscar to help me through the tough times.  Thank God for Oscar because he was sweet enough to let me cry on the phone with him last night until I could finally sleep!  I owe you big, my wing man!

The hardest thing for me is not being able to go back to my old habits of eating when I am stressed and eating when I am depressed.  Now, when I am in what I call my crisis mode, I don't know what to do with myself.  I literally can't stop thinking about food, although I have not given into any temptation yet (which is amazing considering Halloween is around the corner and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a giant bag of Snickers!)  But I feel like I am loosing my grip on my reality and my sanity, and without being able to turn to food to calm myself, I feel like I might go crazy.

I know that Madeline has gone through a break-up since her surgery.  Maybe others are struggling too.  And, I don't even know what I am hoping to accomplish by posting this, except that I need to get it out of my system somehow.

I'd appreciate any support, advice, friendship etc, that you guys can give me to help me through this.

Veronica

[Osk]

It's going to be okay.  All this is going to work out the way it's supposed to.   One day soon you'll look back at this time in your life and smile, remembering how hard it was and how you can through it all.  I said I won't let you quit even if I had to carry you across the finish line. 

[Bookworm]

Veronica,
I'm with Oscar. This isn't an easy journey, and the pressures of life don't help. Try and remember that you have friends here who will support you as you struggle through. Don't give up. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Diane

[DONNA BEE]

Anything is possible by the grace of God. Pray and ask the lord for guidance, he will definately help u with  all ur trials and tribulations. It's therapudic to release stress from ur system and be burden free. I'm sure u feel a little better. I believe that's what the group is for to help us through our rough and troubled times.
GOD BLESS!!!!!!!

[icarus96]

You sound like you have a lot going on in you life and sometimes it's hard to keep "all the balls in the air."  I have a good friend that had the surgery about 8 years ago and went thru all kinds of craziness in her lift around that time.  It was hard to go thru but she still says she wouldn't change her mind about the surgery.  Without going into too much detail she says that all the hard stuff is still hard but now she is healthier and more capable of dealing with the problems we all have in our life without worrying so much about the weight related things she was dealing with.  In other words her job is still a real pain in the butt, but she can fit into her desk chair and fit into airplane seats when she needs to travel and wear nicer clothing to work and not worry about who is watching when she bends over to pick up a pen she dropped......you know all the things that we sometimes obsess over she no longer has to consider.  Once your weight related problems are straightened out you can concentrate on the more important issues you have in life. 

Since I have made this decision I have noticed 2 things.  One a lot of people I know are kinda down on the decision and secondly I now know 5 people who have had the surgery.  The post op people all pretty much echo the same sentiment.  It won't cure all your problems, you still will have bills and your kids will take all of your time and money, and your house may need a new roof this year.  But it's easier to get out of bed in the morning and sometimes that makes a world of difference.

So hopefully after your surgery you will be able to concentrate on whats important in your life.

Best of luck in all you do

Tony

[NYSweety]

Dear Veronica,
I wish you much luck and success in your life.  Don't give up!!!!  Pray so that God gives you strength to get through these difficult times.   Things will get better!!!